The weather brightened up today with sail boats gliding on a peaceful lake.  It is not easy to face the whys, ifs, buts, probablys, maybes, wishes, dreams, fantasies and realities of one’s life on an empty stomach with the sun shining.  Day three and four at Buchinger were a garbled mess.  Could not focus, nor think, nor write, nor feel much.  Drooling I did aplenty though.

Today, is in sharp focus.  Everything hurts.  Inside and out.

The handsome, tall and very sweet Dr D, gave me a check up to make sure all was ok with my weight loss – which I have to say is phenomenal.  To date I have lost five kilos, how this is possible and why now when losing weight has been such a struggle for so many years, I don’t know.  What I do know is that I am thanking the weight loss gods that in this one thing there be no difficulty or pain.

Using acupuncture needles the dear doctor injected my lower back with a tincture of Arnica and Levisticum D3 – a homeopathic remedy for inflammation.  Not sure if it worked but will give it the benefit of the doubt.

The physiotherapy and the massage today where a little like going from the sublime to the ridiculous.  Great physio – had me strapped up ‘a la Torquemada’ to chains from the ceiling and then pulled apart – aaaargghhh drooool – the traction was heavenly on my back.  The Ayurvedic massage done by blond giant Mrs J left me feeling that I should perhaps avoid far eastern techniques in Northern Europe.  Mrs J dripped hot oil all over me, placed her hands on my back, hummed a little.  ‘A Mrs Mooouunnayerrrr, ve haf a blockage!’  Do we, I say trying to get a grip on the bed that I am lying on like a well basted whale ready to be fried.  ‘Can you feel the blockage moving, says Mrs J….hmmmmm….oh Mrs J, I think the blockage is slipping….

The psychologist I saw today, is called Mrs Wise – apt name.  I have to make a list for next time about what I want out of the next phase of my life and to write it with the knowledge that no one (least of all me) is judging this list.  That is going to be one hard list to write.


While agonising over my life, my list, my back etc… in walks the lovely Helga.  Aaahhh Helga, I say, what brings you to my door?  Aaahhhh Mrs Moooouuuunayeeeeerrrrr, ve haf now zeee E.N.E.M.A in your bottom.   The WHAT what?  I say can’t you see I am agonising over my life here?  I have to write a list about the next phase in my life and you want to stick a WHAT WHERE?  UND WHY?  ‘Come now Mrs Moooouuuunnaaaayeeerr nothing to vorry abut – nothing at all. Let Helga in please.’

Isn’t it lovely when a WHAT-WHAT in the BUTT-BUTT brings your life down to the basics and you let go of all the existential shit?  DANKE.



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