BUCHINGER DIARIES – DAY 16
AN EMBARRASSMENT OF RICHES
What a day today has been. Limped up stairs at the crack of dawn to see the lovely Helga for weighing-in and blood pressure. While waiting, I was sitting next to a rather elegant woman reading a whodunit. We started to chat, I told her about my problem and that I think I am going to have surgery. Oh no, you can’t do that she said. Look my dear you young’uns know how to get onto the internet – investigate before you operate. Ooohhh – kay! Yes, yes she said enthusiastically American newspapers and magazines are full of ads about lasers for the back. Magazines you say. Yes she says. A woman in her early thirties should not be operated on twice! Otherwise you’ll have a blockage, she said seriously. Helga managed to get me away from her before I could ask her what blockage. But then brain pinged – hey she thinks I’m a woman in her early thirties. What a beautiful morning it is Helga…
Next was a consultation with Dr D. Dear tall, handsome Dr D. Ah Mrs Mounayer, if I could somehow take a little of your pain away I would, he said as I was leaving his office. I think his eyes actually twinkled at me. Why thank you, you sweet man but I don’t think a constant pain in the BUTT-BUTT is what you really want (I don’t think I said that out loud…)
This lovely consultation was followed by an hour with Mrs L and Myoreflex Therapy. Now the last time I tried to have Myoreflex Therapy I ran crying out of Mrs L’s room. Well I didn’t run so much as limp. Feeling like I was on my last nerve I called my sharp and ever present Dr A in Beirut, who immediately prescribed the right pain killer cocktail – bless his little white cotton overalls.
So this time, fortified with said cocktail, I was ready to try out Mrs L’s Myoreflex Therapy. While lying down Mrs Lang pressed into the areas where the muscles (or MUSKLES with a ‘K as they are pronounced here) are attached to whatever they are attached to. This gives a signal to the brain to stretch and relax the muskles on both sides of the body. Mrs L was so sorry that such a young woman as I, someone in her late twenties, early thirties has to go through so much pain. So kind of you to say so Mrs Lang. Us young’uns appreciate all that you are doing – keep up the good work. Oh by the way how is your eyesight Mrs L? 20/20 Mrs Mounayer, why? Oh no reason, I say beaming, see you tomorrow.
Myoreflex Therapy is followed by Oxygen-Ozone Autohemotherapy with the lovely Dr D. In this treatment 50 ml of my blood is siphoned into a vacuum flask full of ozone and when the blood is enriched it is put back into me with a mixture of nutrients, minerals and vitamins in quantities that allow immune and circulation boosting effects of this therapy to last six months. I look at Dr D as he is removing my blood and ask, ‘my friend who was here (and who recommended Buchinger) told me that the feeling one gets after this therapy is similar to euphoria – is that true? The lovely Dr D smiled and said ‘I think the euphoria your friend was feeling was from looking at you and not from this therapy, although don’t get me wrong you will feel good afterwards’. Hmmm…Dear Dr D….I’m feeling euphoric…it must be working….hmmmm….
At 4 pm I have a business meeting with the owner of Buchinger Mr Wilhelmi. I am ushered into his office and offered some juice. As I begin my business pitch and what all my company can do for Buchinger I am attacked by a fly. Oh says Mr Buchinger what is going on, how did it get in here. Why, I say, the window is open. As we develop the subject of Buchinger’s media strategy we are attacked by another fly.
There are now two flies flying around our heads and perilously close to my mouth as I open it to speak about the wonderful service Buchinger offers and how that can be translated into a social media platform. The flies then decide to land on the table between us and Mr Wilhelmi decides to get a book to kill them when I cry out ‘no Mr Wilhelmi look – the flies are mating!’ OH YES – I was pitching my woo with flies in the doggy position on the table between us. So we were both pitching woo…hmmm…my psychologist would ask me to think about what the universe is trying to tell me with that….Ah yes…where is my phone…sorry Mr Wilhelmi but I need to call my husband right now…will send you my company’s credentials by mail…okay bye! Finished the day, with a full body massage, while looking out at a pink and purple twilight. What a magical day…hmmm…definitely euphoric.
BUCHINGER108
OVER & OUT
MOUNA MOUNAYER 