BUCHINGER DIARIES – DAY NINETEEN

BUCHINGER DIARIES – DAY 19

I bought a statue today.  Yes you heard me right folks a statue.  A big one.  Couldn’t help myself, none of the other therapies were working so I thought a little retail therapy might help.  It did – until I got the bill.  Then I had a heart attack.  It is a very lovely statue though.  Called ‘La Dame Au Fleur’ it was created by a French artist, Lilly Platzer, who is married to one of the Doctors working in Buchinger.  They have an exhibition of her work in the clinic’s foyer and the guests were all invited to a viewing and meeting with the artist.  Her style is whimsical and brings a smile to the face.  I really needed a smile.  And I haven’t been shopping since my disc incident – two and half months ago.  So there.  That’s my excuse and I am sticking to it.  But I am wondering how the hell I’m going to carry it, when I can hardly carry myself home?

A TASTE OF SPORTS DOPING
Lying on a bed, this afternoon, while the lovely, tall and handsome Dr D drained my blood I asked whether this therapy is popular ‘oh yes’ he said ‘this therapy is part of the doping procedure that some athletes do to get a boost in their sport’.  Wow.  When you hear of sports personalities getting suspended for doping you think of steroids not oxygen and vitamins!  Ok, no triathlon for me.

NORDIC WALKING
Well maybe no triathlon but if you see a woman with two poles walking a little funny – like a model on a catwalk but with sticks – that’ll be me.  Nordic Walking is big at Buchinger and it seems in Germany as a whole.  It is a little like cross-country skiing but without the skis.  This method of walking strengthens those muskles we don’t often use but are the ones that stabilise the back and the body.  I bought an extra pair of poles so anyone living in Lebanon and more precisely near me can join me and we can walk funny together.  Should be good for a laugh.

INTROSPECTION SHMINTROSPECTION
As I look back on the last three weeks I am amazed at what I have learned and achieved and frightened at what remains to be learned and achieved in this fresh start that I have allowed myself.  I believe that purging this tired old body and putting my brain in neutral for a while was helpful.  However, I am not built for introspection – it gives me the willies to think about myself and my life 24/7.  I have less answers than I have questions and this is the frightening part.  Looking at the second part of one’s life with a magnifying glass but with no clear view of what it will look like or what it will consist of is more scary now than it was at 25.  Trying to slap one’s self out of ‘the woe is me’ syndrome is not as effective as someone else doing it for you.  God I need someone to slap me bad.  Line up people, I’m coming home.

GOODBYE BUCHINGER
Well folks this is my last Buchinger diary entry.  I had to say goodbye to all my favourite staff today (they all change on Friday and we get the weekend staff).  I do believe the lovely Helga had suspiciously watery eyes when she gave me a hard hug and said ‘it has been lovely knowing you Mrs Mooouuunaaayeeerrr.  Please to come back zoon.’  Sure thing Helga baby, can’t wait to come back to the WHAT-WHAT IN THE BUTT-BUTT.  My night massage fairy Gertrude gave me an extra long massage and then patted my bottom and said she would pray for me.  Hmmm….The lovely, tall and handsome Dr D, came to my room because he had heard that I didn’t have a very good day yesterday.  He was kind and encouraging and gave me more drugs – which was very helpful.  All the cleaning and support staff came to say goodbye and all gave me hugs.  My psycho-therapist, Mrs W, insisted I come back after the operation because ‘there is a lot of work we must do, you need help’.  Yup, that’s me folks.  I need physical and mental help – what is my world coming to, I ask you?  If that wasn’t depressing enough I go back to my room in time to receive the final invoice for my stay.  Oh God can I give the statue back !!!  Oh yeah it’s the last WHAT-WHAT IN THE BUTT-BUTT alright.  I have to call the bank tomorrow so my credit card doesn’t bouncy bounce bounce!!!

BUCHINGER FOOD
Little but great.  Never thought miniscule portions would fill me up and keep me happy.

BUCHINGER WEATHER
Sunny, warm, rainy, cloudy, sunny, warm, rainy, cloudy, sunny….

BUCHINGER WEIGHT & BLOOD PRESSURE
Final count weight: 7 kilos. One stone Imperial.  15 pounds American.
Final count blood pressure: 130/90

BUCHINGER CLINIC
Great service.  Great staff.  Wide range of therapies and activities.  Beautiful location on the shores of Lake Constance overlooking Switzerland and Austria. Life in Buchinger for me:  hard,  painful, funny, life changing.  May come back once every two or three years for a tune up but not alone.  I hate the fact that there is wi-fi only in the main areas of the clinic and not in the rooms.  I hate the fact that you are only allowed to use your phone in your room.  I hate the fact that you have to pay extra for a television in your room.  Otherwise great place with lovely kind people.

I will miss writing this diary.  It has been a source of fun and joy to connect with all of you and share some part of this experience.  See you all soon somewhere else…
BUCHINGER108
OVER & OUT